


Bad Timing

by AXEe



Category: The Orville (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Episode Style, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23594254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AXEe/pseuds/AXEe
Summary: Ed's timing sucks...
Relationships: Alara Kitan/Ed Mercer
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	Bad Timing

******

Ed didn’t like bugs. He hated them actually. He especially hated really _big_ bugs. And he _especially_ hated really big bugs armed with plasma rifles.

Ducking he cringed as another blast of plasma fire sizzled over his head, the five foot tall insects taking aim again as he dove for another hiding spot. The bugs—real name unknown/unpronounceable by humanoids—and the Union had encountered each other a quarter of a century ago, and from that first encounter they had been on the worst of terms.

Every once in a while the bugs would pop up in Union territory, their ships dropping out of quantum drive to raid a colony, space station, or starship. What they actually took during each raid varied, sometimes it was food, other times it was equipment and weapons, and most of the pencil-pushers back at Union Central figured that the bugs were probably a nomadic species who had decided that it was easier to steal from their neighbors than try to maintain trade relations.

That wasn’t to say that the bugs weren’t harmless, far from it, they could and did fight back with ferocious intensity, often leaving few survivors. In the case of Station Sigma-42 they had been lucky as the _Orville_ had just arrived at the same time as the bugs.

Now, Ed and a full security team were doing their best to keep the bugs away from the rest of the station. Preferably it would have been nice if they could have kept the bugs from even boarding the station in the first place, but they had arrived a few minutes after the bugs had already cut through the station’s outer hull.

Turning at a high-pitched screeching sound, Ed gasped as one of the bugs easily wrenched the plasma rifle from his hand, snapping it in half as it tossed the weapon away. Hissing, its mandibles clicking furiously, the bug easily picked Ed up, it’s skinny but very strong three-fingered hands wrapping around his ribcage tightly as it began _squeezing_ him.

Kicking, Ed gasped for breath, spots started to dance in front of his eyes and then, suddenly, there was a loud _crash_ , the bug let out a shriek, and suddenly Ed was flat on his back covered in some kind of sticky goo.

Groaning, he looked up, seeing Alara crouching over him. Looking past her, he had to chuckle at the sight of the now-dead bug laying under a heavy cargo crate, a cargo crate which had, presumably, been thrown or otherwise dropped onto said bug by Alara.

“Captain, you all right?” Alara asked.

Still feeling lightheaded from the lack of air (which he would later blame on his response), Ed nodded.

“You are _so_ hot right now” he grinned. Had he had more oxygen to his brain he might have said something a little less suggestive, but thankfully, Alara didn’t seem to question it, and instead she just gave him a shy grin in return.

“Uh, thanks,” she replied as she helped him to his feet “come on, they’re retreating, we need to get back to the shuttle” she explained as she ushered him along.

“Uh-huh” Ed nodded dimly as he held his side, he probably had more than a few cracked ribs he decided as Alara suddenly shoved him down behind some more cargo crates, squeezing off several shots as the bugs opened fire.

“Hey,” Ed began “can I ask you something?”

“What?” Alara called out, having to yell over the noise of the firefight going on around them.

“Can I ask you something?!!!” Ed yelled.

She nodded distractedly.

“If we get out of this, would you like to have dinner with me?”

Alara’s head snapped in his direction at the same moment a bug opened fire, the bolt of plasma sizzling past to singe her hair.

She didn’t notice that part of her hair was now on fire as she was too busy gapping at Ed.

“ _Seriously?!?!_ ” she demanded “you ask me that _now????!_ ”

“So that’s a ‘no’ then?”

“ _Greyson to Kitan,_ ” Kelly suddenly hailed “ _both of you stop flirting get out of there now!!_ ”

“We’re _not_ flirting!!!” Alara replied as she started pushing Ed forwards towards the shuttle, absently smothering the fire in her hair as she did.

“ _I don’t know, man,_ ” came Gordon’s voice as they sprinted towards the airlock “ _sure sounds like flirting to me_ ”

“Gordon, get off the line!” Ed snapped.

“ _Guys, maybe talk about this_ after _we’re all not running for our lives?_ ” Kelly suggested.

“Thank you” Alara and Ed replied simultaneously as they turned a corner, entering a narrow corridor, the shuttle’s hatch just a few feet away.

“ _You’re welcome,_ ” Kelly replied. For a moment, the only sound was their feet pounding across the deck plating “ _OK, now you’ve got me curious,_ ” Kelly said “ _would you have dinner with him?_ ”

“Oh my god!” Alara complained “ _why_ does everyone on the ship want to know about my love life?!?!” she demanded as she fired off several shots at their pursuers.

“ _Because you could tie most of us into pretzels if you wanted to_ ” Gordon reminded her as she and Ed _finally_ reached the safety pf the shuttle, the hatch slamming shut behind them, the shuttle taking off with a lurch.

Grabbing a medical kit as Ed sank into one of the chairs, Alara began scanning his injuries.

“So,” he began slowly “you, uh, never answered my question”

Alara frowned, pausing as both Gordon and Kelly looked back at them from the cockpit.

“Yes,” Alara nodded, turning back to Ed “yes, Ed, I’ll have dinner with you”

“Great” he grinned.

“ _But,_ ” she began “if I do this, then the rest of you will butt out of my love life. Clear?”

Gordon and Kelly exchanged a look as the shuttle landed in the _Orville’s_ shuttle bay.

“No, yeah, sure” they both said.

Sighing, Alara sank down into the chair next to Ed’s.

“They’re not going to butt out, are they?” she wondered.

“Probably not,” Ed nodded “hey, let ‘em gossip I say,” he declared “I got a date with the most beautiful girl on the ship” he grinned.

And despite herself, Alara couldn’t resist smiling back at him as she took his hand in her own…

**END**

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what thought :=)


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